Spiraling down

"Spiraling down"

I laid down on the floor, bleeding. Bleeding out my brain with moments and words that I promised myself wouldn't define me, constantly looking at the clock, regretting the time that I had and forgetting about the time that I still have. I look out of  the window,and i see happy little innocent souls fighting for a doll, oh, how simple life used to be, when the worst thing somebody could do to us was refuse to give us the cute little eraser that they just got. And here we are now, when everyone is fighting to be better, some wanting to be better than yesterday and some wanting to be better than the best versions of some another. You are clueless about the admiration and envy people hold for you and beat yourself because nobody seems to clap for you. And every now and then, there are brief lonely instances filled with bloodbath of those who struggle because you apparently got in somebody's way.
Childhood is writing with pencil but adulthood is carving in wood and every moment offsets your path in stone. Every little decision from the colour of your dress to the company you keep can change and define your whole life's meaning.
And I'm tired. Tired of making choices and fighting when I know at the end, nobody is going to remember my name, and it's all going fade away with time and the clay of that i sculpted will slowly melt away to ashes and dirt.
I am laying on the bathroom floor, bleeding. Bleeding out fears and insecurities about the future that awaits me, screaming for the path that chose me.

~Gayatri